Bullshit pt.2

yo! blergh i can't stop myself from continuing my previous bullshit story lol. okay here it goes.

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I don't really know how i... oh wait now i remember. that guy is 2 years younger than me. Well, age doesn't really matter right? Saw him tweeted some quotes. love quotes mostly. and there i was falling in love with the quotes he tweeted which i thought was for me. well too fucking bad it's not for me ha ha ha. it was when i knew that he has a crush on someone else. c'mon! that faking girl he had a crush on has the same name as me. how could i not think his friends' teasing tweets were about me. haha well that was awkward.

Talk about detail, one day i was sitting innocently, drunk in love with my friends waiting for the bus to go to some school activity while hoping to see him walking pass that place. i was happy at that time. ha ha ha until his friend came to me and ask me whether i have feelings for him or not. Well, it's his friend so i denied and she sounds a bit relieved to hear that. Then, she told me that that faking guy (i'm sorry for calling u that ha ha) wanted to tell me that he has someone else. k.................... lol. 

can you feel how heartbroken i was??? i cried along my way to the bus. at that time i really really hate him. i fucking hate him for making me feel special with our late night twitter conversations. i fucking hate him for thinking that he likes me. i fucking hate him for liking a girl that have the same name as mine (this is serious SHIT!!) yup. i've reached my breaking point and i started to treat him coldly cibai like he fucking cares at that time haha

when we're about to bump with each other at school, i will give him that stare. well not really a stare but it's the cold stare where i just look forward pretending to hat he's not there. 

yeah and umm a few months later. his another friend who is sodium square's friend told sodium square (SSQ). eh wait fyi, SSQ is my close friend haha i forgot to introduce her. So, his friend who turned out to be one of SSQ's close friend too told SSQ that that faking guy cried because of me. I was like... err kenak nya nangis? So he explained to me that he actually cared about me and his feeling for me is starting to grow. I did a monologue, "mesti nya kenak reject.. pfftt" I still have my ego yk. I fucking hate him.

Still remember his friend who told me about his 'crush'? Yeah, in the phase where my hate for him is growing, she told me that he was worried when he knew about me moving to another city. He told her that my tweet about that made his eyes watery. Hmmm i'm starting to feel guilty. But why do i feel guilty? Why do i feel guilty to someone who broke my heart like never before?? It hurts like shit man. Tbh, i still have a bit of grudge about that on him :( 

I don't how or when or what, one day i was playing with my phone and i get a ws from an unknown number. yeah............. guess what//// it was from him. he sent me a pic of a cat. that was cute but i still have that ego man. i replied him a few minutes after that... sigh. he made me even guiltier. i just.. heh. he said sorry and coincidentally, that day was muslim's new year and he apologizes for everything he did. if only he knows what and i know what apologies he wants from me at that time

we started to have a lot of conversations through ws. bla bla feelings change man and i'm starting to fall for him again but this time cautiously. 

to cut it short, we're ummm not really a couple right now but urgh okay u can say that. 

so

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this is the end.

Birthday? Happy kah sad?

Ello! Umm tomorrow is 10th of November 2015. It's my birthday. Don't really care about it so much like before. Maybe because it's the spm month? Blergh spm..... why do we need to sit for a test on subjects that i don't even like. Fucked up lifee eh opps no kersing. not gud.

Okay, tomorrow i will turn 17. oh my god finally i'm legal to take the car license exams. and finally i'm free from books. well not permanently but for a few months before i enter ze college life. Honestly i can't wait to see to meet new people. Meet new boys ahaks ;) jk. My boy is always in my heart <3 wtf am i babbling about........ *screams for help*

I'm still at home. I don't want to return to the asrama because sodium square is in bintulu. fak her for leaving me huhu... hahah it's okay, it's her turn to leave me since i always leave her alone. Ummm... maybe i'll return to asrama tomorrow and i'm going to errr school (?) yeah school. I hate to think about school. the word SPM can make me shat my pants (well that is so much lie) I...

Based on my title up there ^ i'm questioning whether i should be happy or sad on my birthday. Well, through my observations, as we grow up no one fucking cares about your birthday. Umm well basically... Like, we wake up in the morning and check our phone for our friends, family and lovers (lol) wishes from whatsapp or any other modern mediums. Then, we go to school or work and nothing actually happens except you have kewl friends like mine. ahax

well although they don't really do that much but i kind of appreciate their efforts to sing birthday songs in public just to make me cover my face and hits them after they finish singing it. Then at night, we lay on our bed feeling like the most special person before we fall asleep. The next day, we wake up and yup, we feel like NOTHING HAPPENS THE DAY BEFORE.

I'm sorry if you're having your special day while reading this lol. did i kill your mood? sorry for that. tak sengaje. i'm just sharing my opinions on birthday as a teenager. We'll see what'll happen tomorrow. blergh -___-

New look

Yo! I'm back after a while. Heh i just don't have anyone to talk to. I think I will start over this blog of mine. I will talk in my own language which is Sarawak Malay. Yeah it's hard to explain some things in english so yeah i decided to give it a try. Never done it before. Oh yeah, I changed this blog's theme. I'm going to keep it simple and i'm not using blogskin anymore lol. I mean, blogskin themes are very pretty yeah it's not something to doubt about but sometimes there are little things that i don't really like. Sometimes i want to change the fonts but i can't figure it out. Hey, i'm still an amateur lolz.

I'm still talking in english right? I know. I'm not a very independent-minded kind of person. Is that even a word? oh my god. Okay, back to the main topic, yeah i like to see my current blog. (i just changed my spotify playlist to 'breakup mood') Okay, what.....

Hmmmm... i'm too lazy to continue my previous post about my love life (?) Maybe one day. It's just not now. Like you guys or anyone even reads my blog hahaha and yeah, I'm having a one week spm holidays before the real exams start omg! Chemistry omg! Physics omg! Add Maths omg! Biology ehmagerd. I still haven't improve myself yeah i'm such a lazy ass in this house. I know. Fml.

See ya in ma next post. Things will get pretty sad in the next post i suppose...
P/s: I still haven't talk in Sarawak Malay right? Pffttt

Bullshit pt.1

Yo! Hmmmm let me find a topic. Okay, I've found one. In this post, I'm going to share about a part of my life. Which is not that interesting for you but is special for me. 

Last year, I met this guy on twitter. Well, we both went to the same school. I followed him for a long time on twitter, i guess (?). 

Had a crush on him since he was a freshman. Saw him during scout. When I first saw him I was like, "Okay, he looked a bit like my friend". Since he's a hostel student and at that time I was a day scholar, I asked about him a lot from my hostel friends. Well, he's just an eyecandy for me. I physically attracted to him not emotionally lol.

Okay that was 2 years ago. Here's the last year's story. Met him on twitter. Saw him tweeted about Taeyang and all that. Didn't expect him to like kpop. Then... I don't exactly remember but I tweeted Andrew Garfield's photo with this caption: "Someone at my school looks like him." Yes! I'm talking about him. Guess what? He replied to my tweet. He told me that he knows exactly who I was mentioning about. Yada yada yada from there I started to have feelings for him. What even lol.

Okay, we started to fangirling and fanboying about Taeyang. From that point, I know. I'm really sure that he's THE ONE! Just kidding. Not yet. Ha ha ha. I asked about him a lot from one of my classmate. After completing the pjk exam, I drew a doodle of him. Told my classmate to give it to him. Well, I opened twitter and saw him tweeted about the doodle. He said thank you to whoever gave him that, which is me ehehe I started to adore him.

He's a nice guy. He has a sincere smile but little did he know, I can see sadness from his eyes. I don't know how but maybe I feel him. That is bullshit.... Okay, I don't want to make a move because I know that I won't have any chance to be with him. Well, he's a well-known guy and I'm a wallflower freak. Plus, he's cool af and I sucked a lot. 

to be continue...

The return of me.

Shit. I'm back to blogging. It has been a while since I blogged. I quit blogging for some reasons. The main reason is because of my major laziness. Meh, like you guys even care. 

Guys guess what? I don't know what to write. Hmmm... I think I'm going to write my purposes of creating a blog. Well as you can see, I'm a seventeen year old, with anxiety and bipolar. That has nothing to do with the main topic. 

Okay, simple. I have a lot of things playing in my mind and I have no one to share with. I have friends. It's not that I don't want to share it with them. It's just that I don't want to feel awkward while I'm telling them my silly thoughts. Yeah....... I always think about weird things and I don't think anyone can understand my pov (point of view) lol. 

So ummm yeahh. Anyway, I like mangacaps. And nope I don't really read mangas. I just like mangacaps. Someone special introduced it to me. He sent me a lot of meaningful quotes from the mangacaps he mostly downloaded them from weheartit. (I know it's weird to find out a male actually checks out that website) 

Mangacaps are so deep. Japanese authors are so deep that their words brought me to tears. That is some kind of bullshit. Wait! I just realised that this post is so random. Last but not least, keep on reading my blog :) I dont think anyone reads my blog :)))) Bla bla bla meet me at my next post, 

K. Bye.